I don’t know why I’ve been thinking and worrying a lot lately. So my work process is writing the script first and then deciding on the concept art based on the script. But meanwhile, I force myself to learn different kinds of drawing actually. It’s really stupid. Because I literally cannot draw any style, so just challenge myself to do lots of different styles. What can I do? Why I have so many troubles and issues? I don’t know what to do now. And I don’t know who can I talk to. Everyone has their life in the summertime, they’re all busy. I don’t want to bother them too much. I really admire the position of directors now. How could they figure out everything, everything by themselves? It’s insane. I’m trying to think that way when I’m working on the Guilty Pleasure, having a tone for the film. I made mistakes, but I don’t know if I can improve based on experience? No idea.
I feel so much pressure by seeing those second years graduate. I also went to watch the last performance those theater peers did. So impressive. It will be impossible to see those talented artist have another show together again. I got sentimental for those graduates. Make me worry about myself. Every time when I see them, I start to wonder what will happen when I graduate. Time does fly. Next term starts in October, first comes ENO, then graduation film, super tight schedule. Then what should I do after that???? I literally have no plan in my life. I’ll be 24 by then!!!!!! When I first come abroad to study, I was just 18. Jesus! Where did these six years go?
I don’t even know if I should stay abroad, like the UK or America, going back to China is also a good choice. However, by thinking of going back to China after all these years I’ve been away there, it’s also quite weird. I know nothing about the industry and work in there. I know nothing about life after graduation.
I’m kind of like writing blogs now. It’s more like a diary for me, because people barely read it. So I read some works from Shaun Tan, who is an illustrator and storyteller. His main medium is the oil painting. I checked some interviews with him, and see how he developed an idea. It’s always based on a social or anthropology issue. And then start to add metaphor element to it. It seems like a book for children, but it always has a deep meaning behind it. So make me want to think about every element I put into the character or the story if it will make sense or be logical.
It’s such fun to do these researches and figure out these things by myself. These experience make me feel like the film will be my film. After graduation, I’ll be all by myself. It’s going to be quite stressful by deciding everything without beloved teaches and genuine friends.
I’ve been writing scripts for ENO and graduation film during the summer break. However, I found it so hard to do everything by myself. Especially, when it comes to the stage of deciding concept art. There are tons of styles in the world. And it’s so hard to decide a style and also be creative. I’ve been watching many feature films, short film, and student films, trying to find a solution for myself. And this time, there’s no teacher by my side, everyone’s busy. So I have to decide everything by myself. It’s such a challenge. Meanwhile, I can also learn how to decide everything, character design, style design all by myself. Those are things I’m not good at. People say because I don’t have a strong art background. Yeah, it’s true. I don’t want to be a concept artist in the future anyway. However, for the graduation film, I have to do everything by myself.